DON’T BOG ME DOWN, SON

- Larry Leroy out on the edge of town

(AKA Literally the most underrated quote in Welcome to Night Vale)

zanetehaiden:

zanetehaiden:

DUDES

DUDES GUYS DUDEBROCHACHO HE-MAN BROSEPHSTEINBECHS

SO I WENT OUT TO GET SOME ICE CREAM THIS NIPPLE-FRIDDLED NIGHT BECAUSE I FELT LIKE GETTING SOME GODDAMN ICE CREAM

BUT THEN I THOUGHT TO MYSELF, “JACKSON, YOU ARE A RESPONSIBLE ADULT, YOU SHOULD GET MORE THAN ICE CREAM!!”

A SMALL PART OF MY MIND REPLIED “WAIT NO UR NOT” BUT I DIDNT LISTEN TO IT SO I GOT SOME GODDAMN COOKIES.

ON THE WAY OUT, THERE WAS THIS CUTE LITTLE SIGN THAT SAID “SOFT DRINKS” AND I ONCE AGAIN THOUGHT TO MYSELF FOR A RECORD TWO TIMES IN ONE NIGHT. THE THOUGHT THAT HAPPENED IN MY BRAIN WAS “DUDE YOU LIKE SODAS TOO YOU SHOULD GET SOME GODDAMN SODA”

SO YOU KNOW WHAT????

I FUCKING DID. AND I ALSO GOT SOME MONSTERS BECAUSE THEY WERE IN THE SAME AISLE AND I FUCKIN LOVE MONSTERS TOO SUE ME FOR BEING A STONE COLD BUTTER-SLATHERED BROSKI

SO I GET HOME WITH THESE COOKIES AND ICE CREAM AND SODA AND SHIT AND

THERE IS MY BLENDER

JUST SITTING THERE

GLISTENEING BEAUTIFULLY

SO IG ET AN IDEA IN MY HEAD THAT

THAT I SHOULD BLEND IT ALL

THAT I SHOULD MAKE THE BEST THING EVER

AND SO I DID

GOD FUCKING SHITFUCK THIS IS THE BEST DECISION IVE EVER MADE

MY HEART IS SCREAMING BUT I WILL SHOW NO MERCY TO THE MUSCLE OF MISERY

I WANNA FUCKIN RUN A MARATHON

I WANNA

FUCKIN

RUN DOWN A HORSE

A GODDAMN HORSE

AND JUST LIKE, STROKE IT SENSUALLY AND NEIGH QUIETLY INTO ITS EAR

I WANNA RIP THE STILL BEATING HEART OUT OF A GROWN ASS MAN AND SHOVE IT UP HIS GROWN ASS ASS FOR SCIENCE

AND THEN IM GONNA MOTHERFUCKIN SOLVE COLD FUSION AND WORLD HUNGER AND THEN JUST

WRITE NORTH KOREA A STRONGLY WORDED LETTER

FUCK YEAH

heyfunniest:

thestudleylez:

charmander-isthe-bomb:

what the fuck is this fucking shit 

i want it

cards against humanity for the win

This is Cards Against Humanity. I bought one here. It’s a super fun game!!!

maravis:

GIRL.

image

YUO TH ERE„ GIRL.

image

HWO DO YOU EXPECT TOE OUTDRINK M E

image

WHEND IJ AM ALBAERADY BEER

basketc8se:

tbh a lot of jokes on tumblr that start out funny get rly annoying after a while but none pizza with left beef hasn’t gotten any less funny in like two years and I’m not sure why

[aggressively thinks about having sex with you while keeping a straight face]

hotslut69:

did everyone just quietly forgive pharrell for being in blurred lines

twinkleofafadingstar:

white girls can’t wear bindis because in sixth grade one time i was dropped off at school by my aunt who was wearing a bindi at the time and some girl’s mom whispered to her friend how she would never let her daughter play with me because my family had probably been happy about 9/11 and then four years later that daughter showed up to school wearing a bindi as part of her “”“boho”“” look

fight me